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or two, and log every expense into categories that make sense to Columbia South Carolina you, these are just some examples Essential household: gas for cars electricity natural gas food repairs Household but not essential: cell phones cable TV Debts: car payments house payments or rent credit card payments Essentials but can possibly wait until finances are better, or are a treat: shopping for clothes eating out hobbies and sports and entertainment Kid's expenses: school supplies sports or hobbies I think you quickly where you can cut back, or not cut back. I'd do this WITH YOUR SO, it needs to be a team effort. Hopefully you can start cutting back in each category. And try to not incure ANY MORE DEBT (on credit cards, loans, etc). You might be able to go to a credit union and get a lower rate credit card, and move all your credit card debt to the lowest interest rate. Cut up or put in a locking drawer the other credit cards. Can you refi your house, if you own? For me, I'm eating out less often, and postpone shopping for extras when I can. Those things are now a treat. And I rarely put anything on credit card. I buy an Entertainment Coupon Book every year. They have a lot of discounts like "buy one lunch, get one free" or "buy one ice skating admission and one enters free". It costs $20 and I'll save at least a hundred bucks each year. Good luck! I came up in poverty. Scarce resources, too, large scale dysfunctions. My adult reaction was frugality to the extreme, but I feel unsafe without it. Yet I've been racking up student debt, and have been accused of being codependent. That accusation is true. I'm coming to grips with it and taking steps to change it. Family of origin can influence our adult behavior. It can also lead us into self-defeating behaviors that, while well-intentioned, sabotage ourselves and others. My frugality come in mighty handy when it's time to repay my student loans. Your girlfriend? I have grave doubts. She feels overly entitled. She's, she's special. No cheap haircuts for that gal. Never mind that there's no money. She's in the habit of spending money she doesn't have, and using crocodile tears to manipulate others to clean up the messes she makes messes she shows no indication of cleaning up herself. Ever. In her mind, it's okay to be flighty and childlike. So as she can toss those beautiful hair extensions and attract a caregiver, experience has taught her that her indulgences be funded by others. It's an easy trap for you to fall into, but I urge you not to. It diminishes both of you, and is bound to build resentments all around. Funding a course for her to learn the skills to clean up her mess? Find and dandy. Anything, and you're setting the stage to be codependent. It's not a place to be. You didn't bust your ass to get where you are today just to saddle up with someone who is not on the same. Marylee
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